Plan B

Several months ago I wrote on my blog that I was reading Plan B, by Pete Wilson, a pastor at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN. I never made it through the entire book. I was at a point where I knew my plan wasn't turning out like I wanted it to, but I didn't want to read about how to cope with it. I thought that I could figure this out on my own.



Well a week or so ago, I picked the book back up. I really believe that it was exactly what I needed to hear. Isn't it funny how God works like that?

I have struggled with how much to put on my blog about what we are going through. I have written that time and time again. I can't tell you how many times I have written a post about what I was feeling, but never made it around to actually publish the post. Ben makes fun of me when I type because I type a few words (sometimes even letters) the hit the backspace button. So I end up hitting the backspace button more that I actually hit the letters. He just stands beside me and says, "type type type backspace backspace backspace type type type backspace backspace backspace." It's sad but true. But that's what I end up doing with post too. I spend all the time and energy typing out these posts and then hit the delete button. I end up pressing the delete button more than I press the publish post button.

When I picked this book back up I opened to a chapter entitled "Me Too." Pete says, "Writer Anne Lamott has said that the most powerful sermon in the world consists of two words: me too."

"Because when you're struggling with a Plan B circumstance, when you are dealing with unmet expectations, when you're hurt or doubting, questioning and crying, there's nothing more healing than knowing someone else has been there. When you're hurt or doubting, there's nothing more comforting that hearing someone say, 'I know what you're going through.' When you're questioning and crying, there's nothing that helps more than being told, 'I'm in it with you.'"

I can't tell you how many times, even over the last few weeks, someone has told me I know what your going through. It helps so much to know that someone has been where I am at and has come out on the other side. Just to have someone say it will get better, helps so much.

"When you're in a Plan B, you need community more than ever. And yet, because of the pain that comes along with a Plan B, it's easy to miss the God-given gift of community."

It's so easy for me to hide behind this computer and pretend everything is honky-dory, when in fact everything seems to be tumbling down. This journey (and so many other Plan B situations) is not pretty. In fact, most of the time its just plain ugly. There isn't another way to put it. The emotions that go into each month, the anger, the fear, sadness, jealous, bitterness, resentfulness, hopefulness, hopeless. It's like the biggest roller coaster I've ever been on.

"Don't allow your pain, as deep as it might be, to keep you from fully embracing the gift of community.
Don't let your disappointment, as devastating as it might be, keep you from hearing (or saying!) 'me too'"

This blog helps so much. I have talked to so many people through my blog about this journey. We have shared stories about where we are, where we've been, and where we're going. I have stumbled across blogs of people right where I am or a few steps ahead of me. Even though, I don't know all these people in real life, it has helped to know I'm not alone in all of this.

"We have to be authentic in order to experience authentic community. It's authentic community that can usher in healing even in the midst of the most wrenching Plan B circumstances."

Once again, I could sit here and pretend everything is okay, but who is that going to help? It doesn't help me to bottle up all of these emotions, it certainly doesn't help Ben (poor guy... these hormones are crazy sometimes!) If I can write this and one person feel that they aren't alone in their struggles too, then I think that's good.


"I'd like to encourage you to fight temptation to hide. Take the risk of sharing your authentic self whenever you can possibly manage it. Trust that God will eventually provide you with a community that will circle around you even if this comes from the most unlikely of places. (In the process, you may be a true godsend for someone else who is hurting and in need of hearing "me too.")

So, with all of that being said, this is what I feel like I am supposed to me doing. I felt God screaming at me through the pages of this chapter. I'm opening up and becoming very vulnerable, which is scary for anyone. I really am okay with everything that is going on 90% of the time. I know that the God I serve is huge and I will never be able to fully comprehend all He has in store for me. I know that He doesn't make mistakes and that I am on this journey for a reason. But it helps to know that I have this blog community to help me through those low times.

If you are struggling through a Plan B, I highly suggest this book! It's amazing!!